Melina is a 33-year-old French entrepreneur who is already well-versed in the art of self-help and self-development. She is continuously looking at improving herself and becoming “the best version of herself.” She did the 2-months “Walk the Talk” online coaching programme with Stuff Talks to become better at controlling her emotions.
Can you tell us a bit about yourself?
My name is Mélina, I am French, 33 years old and I am in the process of setting up my own business. My goal is to start a business to help female entrepreneurs take their online communication to the next level.
Why is it so important for you to be "the best version of yourself"?
Because I want to give myself the best possible life. We all start in life with emotional wounds, mental blocks, limiting beliefs, but we also all have dreams that we want to achieve. All of these blocks and limiting beliefs are inner barriers that prevent us from achieving our full potential. So if you don't do anything to overcome them, and become the best version of yourself, you risk spending your life following what everyone else does, like settling for a job that bores you but pays the bills.
if you don't do anything to overcome them, and become the best version of yourself, you risk spending your life following what everyone else does, like settling for a job that bores you but pays the bills.
I find it a shame to limit ourselves to the options that life offers us according to our social background, our gender, our level of education or even our personal limits (shyness, impatience, lack of self-confidence, etc. ).
Becoming the best version of yourself, and learning to express our "true inner self” pushes us beyond our limits. It is difficult, but when you free yourself from what is holding you back, you can open up to new opportunities. For example, the courage to create the career of our dreams, or attract the right people with whom to build more authentic relationships.
What have you done so far to get there?
I have been doing personal development for the past 5 years through various forms, including a therapist, books, workshops etc. I am interested in many topics, such as emotional wounds, our relationship to money etc.
I am also aware that the concept of the “best version of yourself” is an ideal in the mind - it is a continuous evolution.
What state of mind were you in when you started the Walk the Talk programme 3 months ago?
I am hypersensitive, and over time I have put in a lot of protections to avoid being too hurt by others. But these protections also prevented me from enjoying the good sides of human relationships. I just didn't know how else to ensure I felt safe in my relationships with others. I was afraid to speak out firmly, to say something unpleasant or, worse, to make the person in front of me angry.
I am hypersensitive, and over time I have put in a lot of protections to avoid being too hurt by others. But these protections also prevented me from enjoying the good sides of human relationships.
When we started the programme, I knew I had to change that. If not, I knew I was going to continue to struggle not only in my personal relationships but also with my children - if I ever have any. I want to be able to feel respected and listened to, and be a role model for them. I want to be able to show them that it is possible to have difficult conversations, that anger is an emotion like any other and that we don't have to be afraid of it, and we don't have to constantly try to please everyone in order to find our place in the world.
I just couldn't see myself carrying on with the same fears and mental blocks. I also knew that following your program was going to require me to step out of my comfort zone.
What has changed today?
I feel stronger. I know that I am not a helpless little creature and that I already have in me what it takes to handle any situation that comes my way. I realised this during one of our sessions, and it changed everything. This completely changed the way I looked at myself!
I already have in me what it takes to handle any situation that comes my way.
Thanks to the techniques you showed me, I was able to improve on my inner dialogue and the way I relate with myself. This also helped me learn how to set a structure within which I communicate and relate to others. It’s something that needs to be practised on a daily basis and I know that at first I will make mistakes. But at least now I have a concrete and practical approach that I can use to feel safe and which can help me connect with others too. Having this tool reassures me a lot.
During the programme, I also really enjoyed learning more about how we all function as living beings (I would say “human beings”, but you showed that we have a lot in common on the subject with animals, so ... ^^). Things like how our brain works with regards to emotions, thoughts, all that…
It is a good feeling to demystify emotions, understand what purpose they serve and how to avoid fuelling unpleasant emotions such as anger or sadness, for hours or even days.
I am now able to take a step back from my own emotions. I know they have a finite lifespan, and I don't have to let them overwhelm me. I can listen to them, know what to do if necessary, and move on to feel more calm. I am now much less prone to emotional roller coasters.
I am now able to take a step back from my own emotions. I know they have a finite lifespan, and I don't have to let them overwhelm me.
Why is it important to become aware of our “inner dialogue” (our relationship to ourselves)?
You can't improve if you don't know where to start. Becoming aware of our "inner dialogue" allows us, first, to understand better how we view ourselves and how we treat ourselves. That way, we can see if, or when, we treat ourselves badly and pull ourselves down. This helps us to realise when we are being too self-critical.
Secondly, once we have become more aware of how we treat ourselves, we can work on improving our relationship to ourselves, we can think of ways to treat ourselves better, and therefore love ourselves better.
Wanting to be a better version of yourself doesn't mean that you don't feel good enough, but that you want to give yourself the best. It’s by being brave and by pushing yourself, but also by being gentle and kind to yourself that you get there.
Wanting to be a better version of yourself doesn't mean that you don't feel good enough, but that you want to give yourself the best.
What are the things that you became aware of, in terms of your relationship to yourself, during the programme?
I realized that I had already come a long way and that I already had a "good level" of kindness towards myself. It encouraged me to go even further because it is gratifying to realize how much progress you have made in your life. I knew I had made progress before working with you, in all these years of self-help, but your program has helped me become more aware of the progress I have made. It helped me to look at myself from a new perspective.
You helped me to become aware of the positive thoughts I already have about myself, and ways that I can effectively transform negative or critical thoughts into thoughts that are helpful, instead of harmful. These exercises helped me realise that I can be the architect of my thoughts and not their slave.
These exercises helped me realise that I can be the architect of my thoughts and not their slave.
It is incredible how our attitude towards ourselves changes when we realise that we can choose our thoughts, that we can transform the ones that pull us down and make us feel useless into other thoughts that will help us achieve our goals in life (and learn to love ourselves better on the way).
The crazy thing is that these two kinds of thoughts - negative and positive - ultimately have the same origin. But what matters is what we do with our beliefs. We can decide to systematically transform them into something powerful and positive. Our inner dialogue helps us gain this power
This process also helped me to recalibrate my emotions. My inner dialogue, today, allows me to be more successful in putting events that may happen into perspective, and I am much less prone to emotional roller coasters.
How will this allow you to keep moving forward and reach your goals?
I know more about my needs and what I mean and want in a "good relationship". I can now approach my relationship with others differently, try new things. I also know that I have started to build a new inner sense of confidence which gives me great reassurance.
I no longer see my relationship to others the same way. First, because I am less scared. And also because I know that I can rely on my inner dialogue to figure out what to do, without having to systematically try to please everyone.
What advice would you give to others who are struggling, and may be suffering from a negative inner dialogue?
You need to focus on the little changes you can make in your life right now. There is no point in wanting to move too fast, it is only with time that you improve. Once some changes are well integrated into your behavior, beliefs, or daily life, you can think of other small improvements that you can put in place.
For me, the keys are to ask questions, to have patience, perseverance and above all kindness towards yourself.
If you are interested in a FREE discovery session to see if any of our programs might help you, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.